Guess what, ladies? Alcohol is a POISON. Because, well, it’s ethanol – which people put into their cars. What the what? For real?
I don’t know, but it sounds disgusting anyway.
This is just one of the many things I’ve learned lately about alcohol, one of my favorite social lubricants.
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I recently ploughed my way through Annie Grace’s inspirational and fact-filled sobriety memoir, This Naked Mind – Control Alcohol: Find freedom, rediscover happiness & change your life.
No, I’m not an alcoholic, but I have boys and worry what the future might bring. So I read stuff like This Naked Mind and Clean: Overcoming addiction by David Sheff. In other words, I’m binge-reading books on drugs now so I can know the signs when I’ve got tweens in my house.
With my head full of anti-drug propaganda, you’re probably thinking I’m super fun at parties. (Maybe this explains my reputation as one of those “good girls” in high school.)
I’m not actually a buzz kill (or completely against ingesting my fair share of grape-flavored ethanol #bartlesandjaymes). I enjoy a glass of rioja or sparkling most-anything or Armenian cognac or rum-filled hot chocolate. And by “a glass,” I’m completely serious. If you fix me glass #2, you better arrange for Uber to take me home. I am all giggles and sorority-girl LOUD and slurry speech. I am a total cheap date.
Here are some fun facts I’ve learned about alcohol.
Alcohol causes diseases, like breast cancer
The harmful use of alcohol is a component cause of more than 200 disease and injury conditions in individuals, most notably alcohol dependence, liver cirrhosis, cancers and injuries. The latest causal relationships established are those between alcohol consumption and incidence of infectious diseases such as tuberculosis and HIV/AIDS.
–The World Health Organization (WHO)
Uh, cancer? Yep, you read that right. In fact, Annie Grace says: “Compared to women who don’t drink at all, women who consume three alcoholic drinks per week increase their breast cancer risk by 15 percent.”
The Mayo Clinic backs this up: “The more alcohol you drink, the greater your risk of developing breast cancer. The general recommendation — based on research on the effect of alcohol on breast cancer risk — is to limit yourself to less than 1 drink per day as even small amounts increase risk.”
Well, shit. My mom, my aunt, my Nanna all had breast cancer. That ain’t something I wanna play around with. My one-glass limit is looking pretty good right about now.
Alcohol isn’t a health-ninja
Wait!, you protest, I thought there were health benefits from drinking alcohol!
Like this from the Mayo Clinic again: Red wine raises good cholesterol! Reduces blood clots! Affects blood pressure in a good way!
So, um, here’s another fact from my new friend Annie Grace: “Many fruit juices contain more antioxidants than wine.”
And, according to NPR, some brands of dark chocolate have TWICE the amount of antioxidants as red wine. If you’re interested, I’m talking about Dove dark chocolate. And also CocoaVia – which I know absolutely nothing about, but they claim it lowers cholesterol.
Alcohol hates sleep
Alcohol is a bitch when it comes to sleep. I like to say: Drink more, sleep poor.
They say women should limit intake to one glass of alcohol per day. And your man can have two. You’re my new hero if you actually stick to these rules. Because you’re fighting alcohol’s dark, anti-sleep side.
While alcohol feels like a quick route to snooze-ville, it’s rife with sleep-deprived peril. According to researchers at the University of Melbourne, drinking tricks you into deep sleep. BUT your brain isn’t resting. You’re eyes are shut. BUT you’re actually AWAKE!
People tend to feel that alcohol helps them fall asleep a little quicker, and therefore people associated that with helping them sleep. But when you actually go and look at what is happening while they sleep, the quality of that sleep isn’t good.
–Christian Nicholas, featured in Time magazine
The sleep scientists prattle on about an epic booze-fueled battle in your head. Where the good guys (“delta waves” that bring you deep sleep) fight it out against the bad guys (“alpha waves” that wake you up). Um, yeah, anyway. Apparently it’s like getting electric shock treatment while you sleep. You think you’re snoozing along thanks to 5 glass of vino, but your brain has other plans.
A friend asked me what happens if you black out. You’re sleeping, right? And you can’t remember anything the next day? (Insert walk-of-shame joke here.) That’s because no sleep means no memory consolidation.
That’s a fancy pants way of saying you have Mommy Brain. Compliments of alcohol. Your brain needs you to sleep so it can spend all night reviewing the day’s events and creating fond memories for you to relive the next day. But alcohol says, “Oh, no, honey, your memory is G-O-N-E. Good luck trying to remember if you slept with your buddy Brianne last night.”
Whether you think I’m a buzz kill or not is up to you. Poison or no poison, I’m pretty sure I’ll be drinking something spiked at the next work event. But I’ll probably keep it to just one glass. Unless I plan to have Uber pick up my kiddos from daycare.
Share your favorite drinking song below or on Facebook at MothersRest.
And check out Annie Grace’s excellent podcast to learn more truths about alcohol: This Naked Mind Podcast.
Here’s another site that’s done a great job of curating alcohol-related resources: Help.org
Photo credit: Serge Esteve from Unsplash.com